..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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