somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
