capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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