I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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