Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
