dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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