I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
