Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
