i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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