just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
