Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
