where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
