I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
