; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I still have a little drunk in my system
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
