Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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