just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We need to get me chipped asap
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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