No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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