Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
