I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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