i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
