Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
