She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
