I looked at my own cervix.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
