OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
