I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
