My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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