capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
