ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
