Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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