how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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