Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
