You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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