Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
