CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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