i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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