i barfeds in our rink
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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