Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
is it fun? or sober?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
