I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
