Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
