Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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