it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
