Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
