The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
