After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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