Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
