Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
