Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
