Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
