I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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