tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
