Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
