I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
