is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
