Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize