we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
