Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
