Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
