But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
