I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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