I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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